I came over around 9. Dad was eating his usual 2 pancakes when I arrived. So I sat in the kitchen with mom and had a bowl of oatmeal.
Dad and I spent most of the morning getting things together for his insurance. He's at his best from early morning up until around 2. After that he doesn't function very well and sleeps alot.
Mom and Dad's pastor came over for a while. He had a really good visit with my parents. I just stayed out of the way and let him visit. The acoustics are very good in mom and dad’s house, and I hear everything even though I try not to. It was very interesting hearing the pastor comfort dad, and I really enjoyed listening to him talk. I'm glad my parents have the support of a great church family. It makes a difference in situations like these...
After the pastor left I had to head out and take the insurance claim forms to dad's doctor. I ran a few errands and then headed back over to hang out with dad some more. Mom had to run and get some prescriptions filled, so I got dad all to myself. We didn't talk very much. He's not doing as well as he had been, if you could call the state he's existing in "well". I am not sure what he's feeling and I don't think it's his intentions to be open about his level of discomfort. He lived with his pain daily throughout the summer and none of us knew just how bad it was. So I know he’s got a high pain tolerance.
Dad was relatively quiet. He just kept water in his mouth to help keep it hydrated. There really isn't anything that can be done to change that. He isn't able to drink as much Ensure as he had been. Swallowing is becoming more of an ordeal for him as well. I watched as he tried to take a pain pill, it was hard for him. He has to sit up as best he can in that bed, it is adjustable so that helps. He doesn’t have any stomach muscles, when they operated on him they cut through them and he never developed them back. The cancer of course has deteriorated his muscles in general. So if it weren’t for the trapeze bar above him he wouldn’t be able to move around at all… He then has to get his neck just right. He'll massage his throat for a few minutes, and then he'll try to drink Ensure and water to get his swallowing muscles working. Once he's done all that he tries to take a pain pill. Sometimes it goes down ok, but there are times when it doesn't make it all the way down and it gets stuck. When that occurs, you have to have a pancake and some coffee syrup waiting for him. That helps get it down.
I’m not sure how much longer dad is going to be able to swallow. It seems like each week is a little different for him. Things progress a little further each day. He’s not filling up his Ileostomy bag as often now, he’s drinking less Ensure, and he does not want to eat his morning pancakes. He made a comment to me about not being able to finish his Ensure. I told him that was ok; I’m not going to insist that he do more than he can. I told him that was just part of the process, and that as long as he is able to withstand this, I would be fine. I caught mom insisting that he eat his morning pancakes, “do it for me” she said… She doesn’t realize the guilt she's putting on him, because he knows it hurts her to see him like this. It kills me though; I can’t describe what it feels like to watch someone basically starving. He says he doesn’t feel hunger, and he has no desire for anything. I hope that is true.
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