Dad's Passing

So I got up this morning, drank my coffee and stayed in the guest bedroom while I blogged my earlier posting. I peeked in at daddy to see if he needed anything briefly and noticed he was still sleeping. Mom was asleep on the couch, so I didn't disturb them. After I blogged, I decided to go in and check on dad. He looked up at me and I asked him if he was ok. He mouthed something to me and I couldn't understand him, so I he asked for something to write on. He wanted me to change his Depends. I didn't wake mom, I let her sleep. I went through the process of cutting them off of him and he was able to roll over for me just enough to clean him up. He must have been very uncomfortable because he asked for skin cream. After I did that and changed the padding he was laying on, I had to remove his pj top. It was long sleeve, and it was very difficult to get off of him, but we did it the same way we always did it. He'd reach his arms up and grab onto the trapeze bar above his bed, but this time i had to place his hands around the bar. His skin was very cold and clammy and I had a difficult time getting the new pj top on. I talked to him the whole time I was doing it. I was very gentle in my tone and reassuring. I had him good to go and comfortable in no time. After I got him settled in I went to my bedroom there and fell to pieces. It was a very difficult thing to do. After everyone got up I went to Bojangles with my aunt to get breakfast for everyone. Mom, grandma, my aunt, and I sat around and had Easter breakfast. After I was done I asked mom when she thought I should go home to get another change of clothes, she said anytime. So I decided to go ahead and go. I went in and squeezed dad's knee, told him I was going to go get some clothes and that I'd be right back. I told him I loved him and he smiled. As soon as I got to my house and sat my things on the kitchen table the phone rang. Dad had died. I had just gotten off the phone with my sister prior to finding out dad had died. I told her that I hoped dad passed while I wasn't there.

So when I got back mom had already called hospice, and they were on the way. I waited til she showed up and then I went to my grandfathers to tell him bout dad passing. After Hospice came, Parrish's Funeral came out to get dad. I watched for them and waited with dad. It was a hard experience, but i'm glad I got to experience it.

As far as how I feel, I'm fine. I am so happy that my last act with dad was one of compassion and love.